White-Out

A review of the show will come later. I'm including a link to USA Today's photo gallery and numbers in parentheses so you can judge some shots for yourself. See the fashions link about a third of the way down on the left.

http://www.usatoday.com/life/default.htm

Boston is experiencing yet another snow and ice storm today. That doesn't mean I needed to have Hollywood fashionistas create a homage to it on the red carpet last night.

Yes, Oscar fashion was one big yawn and miss. We didn't see black, black, black - or, as we did at the Screen Actors Guild Awards, red, red, red - so I suppose that left us with the last remaining generic neutral: white, or something really close to it. A couple of people did this well, namely Penelope Cruz (2). My mother and I simultaneously said her Balmain dress looked bridal (we did this with the same vocal inflections; clearly, we are related), but it was pretty nevertheless, and it fit. My father liked it, too. Unlike Anne Hathaway (4) and Evan Rachel Wood (27), Cruz's neckline didn't aim for artistic: With Hathaway and Wood, their structured tops made them look as if they weren't filling out their strapless dresses enough. Unlike Sarah Jessica Parker (6) and her "barely mint," Marisa Tomei (5), and Miley Cyrus (17), Cruz had a dress that was poufy without being over-the-top busy. Unlike Jennifer Aniston (16), Cruz mixed up her usual looks. (Note to Aniston: Beach hair, tan skin, black or off-white dress are overdone. I feel as if I saw that look in 1999 ... and 2003 ... and...)

Oh, Annie and SJP! I adore you both. Ms. Hathaway, you're someone I've eagerly awaited on the carpet for years, and your style is one I admire in my real life. This time, though ... I like the Armani Prive dress more in photos than I did on TV. I can see that it's more silver than white, and it has some nice pleating. It's just that a column dress disappoints me, and the severe updo/pale face/dark lip look has become fallback makeup for you at the Oscars. (I did enjoy you on stage with Hugh Jackman. Shirley MacLaine is right: You should keep singing.) As for SJP, I know you frequently take style risks and make over-the-top choices. This Dior haute couture dress, though, seemed like a reject from the Sex and the City movie. Oh, Miley? You're much, much too young for a dress than big. It's pretty, but it does weigh more than you.

Another white dress I mostly liked: Taraji P. Henson's (3), by Cavali. She had to keep picking up her train, which I found distracting, but she owned her look. The ruffles were subtle and made the column dress more interesting, she went for one mega piece of bling, and she sported short, shiny, healthy hair. That last part alone made her a carpet standout.

Nothing was worse than Jessica Biel (7), in Prada. "Her face looks tired," I said to my mother when Biel first appeared on screen. "She looks like she rolled out of bed and tied a sheet around her," my mother complained. I couldn't have said it better myself.

Someone who wore white who worked: Mickey Rourke (8). Seriously. At this point, he has a style all his own, as Diane Keaton does, and we might as well accept it. He accessorized his outfit with a sparkly vest, sharp eyewear, and a pendant of his recently deceased dog, Loki, who died six days earlier.

She didn't wear white, but Freida Pinto (15) also disappointed me. Her choices during awards season have been fantastic, and I told my father before the show that I'd been looking forward to her more than just about anyone else on the carpet. The color of the Galliano dress: vibrant. That sleeve, on the other hand: vicious. It reminded me of a heavily tattooed man. This isn't the image one wants to evoke for the most glamorous night on the Hollywood calendar.

Angelina Jolie (1) - another black dress. Ho hum. The Elie Saab was a little less of a sack than usual, but it remainded flowy and drapy and ... By the way, something in her face looks off, and it's distracting. Will she be able to smile and emote in five years?

With Beyonce Knowles (24), a clean, fresh face and a swingy ponytail meet some crazy gold embroidery (although I think it looks more painted on) and an unusual hem. Most people hated it. I don't mind it so much on her because she's Beyonce. Put that on, say, Tomei, and I would have gone screaming to the Cher Hall of Shame.

Kate Winslet (9) looked too severe, and the structured hairstyle was way too distracting: I kept wondering how much gel went into that look. At 33, Winslet is just a year older than I am, but last night I thought she could pass for my aunt rather than my sister. It reminded me of the year Reese Witherspoon won: another woman my age, looking way too old. (Speaking of Witherspoon (43), she didn't walk the carpet, but she was on the telecast. I'm not sure what that neckline was. It made the dress look cheap.)

The reds didn't have it. Heidi Klum (13) in Mouret, also with bordering-on-greasy hair; Amanda Seyfried (23) and a ginormous bow in Valentino; Amy Adams (12) in Carolina Herrera. I liked the shade of red on Adams, but it blended exactly into the red carpet. Not good. I also HATED the necklace. Beer-bottle shards strung together?

So, did I fully embrace anyone? Yes. One person. When I first saw her on the Oscar preshow, I sighed and said, "She looks just lovely." Natalie Portman (10) and your pink Rodarte, thank you. You picked a color no one else did - Alicia Keys' dress, also very nice, is similar but lilac - and you didn't make yourself older than you are. You recognized that you were a presenter, not an attendant or a nominee, so you didn't go over the top. It was just a heavenly concoction.